Is Too Much Feedback Killing Your Relationships?

In an interview on www.smartplanet.com tittled "Q&A: Why 40% of us think we're in the top 5%"  with psychologist David Dunning (of the Dunning-Kroger Effect), Dunning gives advice for effective feedback in the work place which is invaluable for relationships as well.

"There are two reasons people may not be receptive to feedback: One is it’s going to come as a complete surprise to them, because they probably don’t know what their weaknesses are, second is that it’s just a natural human tendency to be defensive. So, you have to work around that.

There are three different things you can do as a manager.

The first thing is if you are going to give feedback make sure that it’s about a person’s behavior or their actions. Do not make it about their character or their ability. If you come at them with words like 'You are lazy,' or 'You’re not all that innovative,' then you are attacking their character.

Second, you want to give feedback often. If feedback is rare, people will naturally get their defensive antenna up.

Third, you do not want the only feedback to come when the supervisor is angry. There are a lot of companies where that is the habit. The supervisor has to be driven mad before he or she gives the feedback that a person really needed to hear earlier. How are you going to listen to a mad person yelling at you? So, that is the last thing to avoid."

Check out this great videos on feedback

The Psychology of Happiness and Feedback

She talks about how differant types of people give and take feedback.